Waiting... and how to do it properly
"Oh, Soul, hold onto hope and don't let go...
Oh, Soul, just be still and know..."
Hope Darst
I hate waiting. This is me being brutally honest. I HATE waiting! There are so many feelings that rise up in me when I have to wait: Fear, anxiety, frustration, neglect, doubt, sadness... These are just some of the feelings I can name. I am currently in a season of waiting. And what heightens everything is the pain. I am in horrible pain right now. We are switching my medicines around, and boy, do I feel it. I knew there was a chance this would happen. God prepared me. But what I didn't expect was for my back to go out as well in the midst of it all. So bad that I have to use crutches to keep me upright when walking. So now, I'm in a season of waiting, with pain throughout my whole body and being unable to walk.
But nothing happens without a reason. God doesn't waste anything. He uses it for his glory and our good. I believe in the power of God. I've seen his goodness. I know the truth. But when you are in a season like this, it's hard to not break down, lose control, or give up completely. But I refuse. I'm going to surrender all my thoughts, feelings, struggles, and emotions to God so He can work in me.
I am not saying any of this is easy. Right now, I'm writing this while I have pain shooting in my right foot, my back is throbbing, and I'm debating whether or not I want to try to go to the bathroom (maybe I can wait a little longer). Ironic right? I'm writing about how much I hate to wait, and yet I am CHOOSING to wait to go to the bathroom. Because I'm worried about how much it's going to hurt to stand up. I think that's part of the issue: control.
We do not like to relinquish control. But that's what we have to do in the waiting. Let go of control of what we think should happen for God's will. I've never thought of myself as a control freak, but I do like to be in control of things. It gives me a false sense of security. When I don't know what's going to happen, my anxiety kicks into full-blown panic. That mostly comes from the need to be prepared for anything so I can protect myself. I did not grow up knowing Jesus, so I didn't know he was protecting me the whole time. That it wasn't my power, but his. So if he was protecting me even before I knew him, how much more so now that I DO know him? So even in this waiting, he is in control, and I don't need to fear.
So what do we need to do in the waiting?
Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus. 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18
Wait for the Lord; be strong, and let your heart take courage; wait for the Lord! Psalm 27:14
Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, rejoice. Let your reasonableness be known to everyone. The Lord is at hand; do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:4-7
Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths. Proverbs 3:5-6
There are many examples of waiting in the bible: Abraham and Sarah waiting for a child, Joseph waiting to take the place he was called to, David waiting to take his position as king, the Israelites waiting for God's rescue and to enter the promise land, Hannah waiting for a child, Jacob waiting to marry Rebecca, everyone waiting for the Messiah, and more. And what did they all do? They sought out God. They prayed, trusted, and leaned on Him. Were they perfect? No! God had grace on them, and He will have it on you as well if you struggle in the waiting like they did.
For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will hear you. You will seek me and find me, when you seek me with all your heart. Jeremiah 29:11-13
Cling to God in the waiting. He will not leave you or forsake you. He will walk with you in this valley. I am writing this encouragement for myself as well as you. I know I'm not alone in my waiting. There are lessons to be learned, strength to be built, and a relationship to grow.
Finally, be strong in the Lord and in the strength of his might. Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the schemes of the devil. For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places. Therefore take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand firm. Ephesians 6:10-13
Three Days Later...
So I've been working on this blog post for three days now. I've been spending my mornings praying and asking God for guidance in my waiting season. I'm still laid up in pain, but... this morning there was improvement. I was able to slowly walk from the bed to the couch without my crutches. Oh, I'm still hurting. But there is improvement! And I believe it is important to celebrate the small victories in Christ. Sometimes all we can take is one step in our walk on our journey, but after days, weeks, months, or even years, the little steps add up to a beautiful journey of experiences, lessons, and growth that would have been missed if we had just flown to the finish line.
I'll be honest. I still don't enjoy the waiting. But I'm learning to rest well in the Lord while waiting. I'm learning to actively pursue Him in the waiting. I'm learning to be obedient in the waiting. He is showing me how to wait well. And the lessons I am learning in the waiting wouldn't have happened in any other way, except by the waiting.
Now I love my mom. She means the best. But this has also been hard on her. It's so hard watching your child go through something and not be able to fix it. She's been so overwhelmed with worry for me. She keeps making statements like, "You gotta talk to the doctor!" "You need to do something!" "What are we going to do to fix this?" And I just keep gently reminding her that God's got this. If I am supposed to call the doctor, I will. But I feel God telling me to just wait. My mom doesn't wait well. She does NOT have patience. But I know that's related to a lot of her own trauma from her past. So not only is God working on me, but I believe He is also working on my mom. He has been showing her how to be patient.
Don't forget, when you are going through something, it's not always just about you. God is also showing others. Sometimes the best way we can learn is through experiences, and watching others' experiences. Just like with Jesus, he has also gone through everything we are going through. So we know we can cling to him to get us through. He is like a guide. When you go somewhere new, it's helpful to have someone who has been there before so they can show you around and help you avoid pitfalls. Trust Jesus as your guide while you go through your waiting season. And then God will use YOUR experience to help others.
...who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God. For as we share abundantly in Christ's sufferings, so through Christ we share abundantly in comfort too.
2 Corinthians 1:4-5
The truth is, I don't know how long this season of waiting will be. Thoughts keep popping up, such as, "I don't have time for this. There is too much to be done. I have appointments, responsibilities, etc." God's timing is not our timing. And what's more important? All these other responsibilities and plans or following God's plan. God is never late. He also knows we have responsibilities in life. But overall, He knows what He is doing, and His plans for our lives are better.
In their hearts man plans his course, but the LORD establishes their steps.
I've had people get upset with me because what I was going through didn't fall within their plans. For years I felt like my life was an inconvenience. So I would shirk my responsibilities to the Lord to make others happy. It was hurting me, my family, and most importantly, God. I am learning that if someone gets upset because I am in a season of waiting, that's on them, and they need to work it out with God. What I'm going through at the moment is out of my control. I can't make my back heal faster. I can't make the pain go away faster. So I am surrendering to God and trusting in Him. I don't need to worry about FOMO when I surrender to God. I don't need to feel guilty if I am unable to do certain things. I'm not trying to win the approval of people anymore.
For am I now seeking the approval of man, or of God? Or am I trying to please man? If I were still trying to please man, I would not be a servant of Christ. Galatians 1:10
So if you are in a season of waiting, take heart. You are not waiting alone. Jesus is with you. Lean on him for guidance, and let him walk you through. Do not allow the distractions of the world take you away from this time with him. God is a god of perfect timing, and it will all work out when it is supposed to.
I'm praying for you, my friends, and pray for me as well.
Jen
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